Center for Parent CoachingPositive statements
A few calm minutes, one step at a time.
When a moment gets big, Calm Reset walks you through five short steps to help bodies settle and hearts reconnect.
The 5-Step
Reset
When your child melts down, bolts, hits or goes silent, you are not watching a discipline problem. You are watching a nervous system that has decided it is not safe. These five steps help you both get back to calm.
What happens next
- Take one step per screenTap Next when you are ready. There is no rush.
- Listen alongMaxine's voice guides you. Tap Options at the bottom to turn it on or off.
- Add a calming sound if you likeTap Options at the bottom, then Music, to choose soft left-right tones, piano music or soft chimes. You can change it any time. Headphones work best.
- Come back homeWhen you finish, the Home button brings you back to start again.
The five steps
- Regulate yourself firstYour child takes the cue from you.
- Lower the loadA dysregulated brain can't take in words, choices or questions.
- Cue safetyShow safety with your body.
- Move the stressThat stress needs somewhere to go.
- Reconnect, then repairCome back and connect before you correct.
If anyone is in danger right now, call 911 first.
You are not the referee. You are the intervention.
Now breathe with the circle. Breathe out longer than you breathe in, for three rounds.
Your child takes their cue from you. Before you can calm them, calm yourself first. Slow your breathing, soften your face and lower your voice.
You'll hear Maxine guide each breath. Tap Bilateral sound for soft left-right tones. Headphones work best. Your phone will also tap gently as each breath changes.
Cut your words by ninety percent.
A dysregulated brain cannot process language, choices or reasoning. Every extra word is more input to a system already overwhelmed.
"I'm right here."
"You're not in trouble."
"Take your time."
Skip: Questions. “Why did you do that?” and “Can you use your words?” ask a shut-down brain to do something it cannot do right now.
Safety travels through your body and voice.
Children who have lived through hard things scan for threat fast. Your face, posture and tone matter more than your words.
"I've got you."
"We're okay."
"I'm not going anywhere."
Skip: Standing over them, pointing, crossed arms, and the tight voice adults use when trying hard not to yell.
Let the body finish what it started.
Stress hormones get the body ready for action. Movement, rhythm and pressure help that energy leave. What does your child look like right now?
"Let's move first. We'll talk after."
Skip:
Connect before you correct.
Do this once your child is truly calm again, not thirty seconds after the storm. Every repair shows your child that you come back.
"That was hard. We got through it together. Nothing you do makes me stop loving you."
Skip: Long lectures, making them apologize, and going over it again and again. If the teaching takes more than a minute or two, it is happening too soon.
You did the hardest part.
You will not do this perfectly, and you do not need to. The repair matters more than the rupture. Each time you come back, your child's nervous system learns to trust you a little more.
You can listen to this part and just relax.
This tool is for support and education. It is not therapy or crisis care.
Center for Parent Coaching, Brainspotting & Therapy · 710 Oakfield Dr, Brandon, FL 33511 · (813) 545-9505
When everything feels like too much.
Your body has a built-in alarm. When it goes off, it is hard to think, talk or calm down. That does not mean you are dramatic or bad. It means your nervous system is trying to protect you. These five steps help turn the alarm down.
- BreatheA longer breath out tells your body it is safe.
- GroundCome back to right here, right now.
- Name itPut a word on what you feel.
- Move itLet your body shake off the stress.
- Reach outYou do not have to do this alone.
Slow breath out. Slower than you think.
Breathe in through your nose for 4. Breathe out for 6, like you are cooling a spoonful of hot soup. Follow the circle for three rounds.
Headphones in? Tap Bilateral sound at the bottom for soft left-right tones.
Come back to right here.
Your mind might be racing ahead or stuck on what just happened. Use your senses to land back in this moment.
"I am here. I am okay in this moment."
Name it to tame it.
Putting a word on a feeling helps your brain turn the alarm down. Tap any that fit. There are no wrong answers, and nothing is saved.
"I am feeling something big, and it will pass."
Remember: Feelings are not facts, and they are not forever. They rise, peak and fall, like a wave.
Let your body shake it off.
Stress fills your body with energy that needs somewhere to go. Moving helps it leave. How does your body feel right now?
You do not have to do this alone.
When you feel a little calmer, connect with someone you trust. That could be a parent, a friend, a teacher, a coach or a counselor.
"I'm having a hard time. Can we talk, or can you just be with me for a bit?"
You did it. That took strength.
You noticed what you were feeling and helped your body calm down. That is a real skill, and it gets easier every time you practice it.
You can listen to this part and just relax.
This tool is for support and education. It is not therapy or crisis care.
Big feelings? Let’s get calm together.
Sometimes our bodies feel too big, too fast or too wobbly. That is okay. Everybody has big feelings. Let's do five fun steps to help your body feel calm again. A grown-up can help you.
- Balloon breathsFill up slow, let it out slow.
- Squeeze and let goSqueeze like a lemon, then go floppy.
- How do I feel?Find the word for your feeling.
- Move like an animalStomp, stretch or wiggle it out.
- Find your grown-upA hug, a cuddle or a high five.
Blow up your belly balloon.
Put your hands on your tummy. Breathe in slowly and feel your belly get big like a balloon. Then let the air out slowly, like a balloon floating down. Follow the balloon three times.
Squeeze like a lemon, then go floppy.
Squeeze each part as tight as you can while your grown-up counts to 5. Then let go and feel it go soft and floppy.
What is your feeling called?
Tap the feeling that is in your body right now. You can pick more than one.
"I have a big feeling. That's okay. It will get smaller."
Grown-ups: Say it back to them. "You feel mad. I'm here." Naming it helps the feeling shrink.
Let’s move the feeling out!
How does your body feel?
You are not alone.
Find a grown-up who keeps you safe. Pick how you want to connect.
"I had a big feeling. Can you help me?"
Grown-ups: Stay warm and close. Talk about what happened later, when everyone is calm.
Your body is calm again.
You did something really brave. You noticed your big feeling and helped your body feel better. You can do these steps any time you need them.
I love me just the way I am. I was made on purpose.
You can listen to this part and just relax.
This tool is for support and education. It is not therapy or crisis care.